poem: Moth
That night you dreamt yourself a cocoon:
white cotton sheets bandaging themselves to you,
heavy with sweat. You struggled to be released,
answering an urge that would not define itself;
with every movement, splitting, then dissolving
yourself into a new definition.
A fresh shell hardening around you,
you stopped your fretful movements, surrendered
to the soft blur of sleep. A steady wash
inside yourself as breast, lung, heart, thigh,
let go and then remade themselves,
as something rare and unfamiliar.
In the morning you woke to find it true:
nightclothes and bedlinen felted into
a hard mass cemented to the bedpost;
an alien stirring at your shoulders.
Something that pulsed at its confinement,
the muscles already dreaming of flight.
Through slow work you split your case in two,
let the sunlight falling on the bed
warm your blood through. Though it left you drowsy,
a buzzing in your head as your thorax hardened,
your wings unfolding to reveal their dark
and powdered scales, still wet with newness.
There was to be no confusion, only
the promise of your new form learning itself:
the air through the feathers of your antennae
layered with scent, black eye spots set against
a splendid monochrome. Everything
there was, delighted you. You could leave, then,
your old life no more than the chrysalis
discarded on the floor. This is how I found you,
one of night's inhabitants, your long fur
and the buff-grey of your wings shimmering
in the muted light. You needed nothing,
your beauty complete. I could not help myself.
My desire became everything: a moon
shining from underneath my skin — so bright
you could not escape. You settled on me
and my body's heat warmed yours. Even as
your soft wings brushed against my cheeks
scales fell from them, a wound I could not undo.
Now you are here with me, your wings
unsettle, the dark eye spots flashing at me
for a moment. I look at you, searching
for the outline of a woman; you dream
instead, remembering flight. I cannot
hold you, nor fly, but can not let you go.
January 04/January 28, 2005
